Welcome, fellow Minecraft-playing child parent!

If you are here, there's a decent chance you either: 

1) stumbled across this site randomly, or

2) your child got in touch with my child about playing Minecraft together.

The purpose of this page is to provide you with a bit of a primer on my view of Minecraft, and some information on how I approach the topic of kids playing Minecraft together online. 

The audience for this post is fellow parents who have heard of this thing called Minecraft from kids (either their own, or others), whose kids are wanting to play with other kids online, and are trying to suss out what works for them, their own comfort level, and keeping their kids safe in an online world.

First and foremost, I will admit that I play Minecraft myself also, even as an adult. It's a great platform, and I have to be honest - it took me a while to 'get it'. But once I did, I started to realize the massive implications of the game - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

So, what is Minecraft?

Short version - it's a sandbox game. You have a character, there are blocks, you place or manipulate blocks, and you basically make up your own destiny. It's great for the imagination (which is why it took me a while to 'get it' as an adult - life, a career, and 'the system' did a good job of stunting my imagination), it's great for creativity, it's great for socialization, and it's also great for STEM and engineering, believe it or not. There is a very good reason that since it's release in 2009, it has become one of (if not THE) most popular gaming platform in the world.

What is the downside?

Well, if you want to play with others, that generally means playing online. And that is where things can get tricky. 

Who are they playing with?

Do you even know these people, let alone trust them?

Are they playing the same style? (some kids like to throw TNT around because making boom can be fun - but another kid who spent hours building a cool castle or house doesn't want TNT raining down on their creation).

While not necessarily a social media platform, it can have all the pitfalls of one.

On the flip side - 

It's not all bad, nor is it all filled with doom and gloom. It's one of those rare games that provides something for everyone:

- If you like building things, you can do that.

- If you like architecture and design, you can rotate heavily into that.

- If you like automation and making machines, the redstone system is basically electrical engineering.

- If you like playing solo, you can do that.

- If you like banding together with others to accomplish a goal or task, you can do that.

There is a tremendous amount to be gained by leveraging it as a positive tool; and I think it is important to think of it as such. Just like a hammer can be used to destroy, it can also be used to build.

My Suggestion

Go to Youtube, and looking up something like 'parents guide to minecraft' - you will get a bunch of hits. But hopefully this page served its purpose well enough as a primer.

OK, so.. how do our kids play together?

Well, not by anything I'm going to post here, because anyone on the internet can read this post. So, there is that.

But, there are a couple technical details that can be sorted out.

First, verify the edition being played: Bedrock or Java.

Short version: if you are playing on a console (Switch, Playstation, etc) or tablet - you are playing Bedrock. If you are playing on a computer, it can be Bedrock OR Java. Bedrock is generally more easily accessible because it can be played on consoles (which are popular); Java is more customizable and has a lot more modifications (and in my opinion, a lot more options to explore as kids get older, if they want to get into the programming side of things).

This matters because by default, the two do not work together without some effort. They are like oil and water - they don't mix, unless special effort (a technical emulsifier, if you will) is made. There are public servers out there that accommodate both, and eventually I may set one up that does so - but for the time being, the private server I have set up is Bedrock, because chances are, most kids are playing on Bedrock.

Second: the gamertag

To play online, every character has a gamertag, or name. This is world-wide, and unique.

The server I have set up is by invite only, and I control the whitelist of who can join. For that reason, I will need the gamertag of your childs character in Minecraft, so that I can add them to the list.

I do this for security reasons - the server I set up is connected to the internet, and is running all the time. I don't want random people logging into the Minecraft world - I want it to be by invite-only.

A couple other notes about the server

There are two levers in the game that determine how it gets played: the mode, and the difficulty.

The mode is simply either Creative, or Survival. In Creative, characters have access to all blocks and items by default, and cannot be killed.

In Survival, this plays more like a role playing game - the character has health, there are enemies to defeat, and the character can die, potentially losing what they have in their inventory.

The difficulty ranges from Peaceful (hostile mobs do not spawn) to hard (hostile mobs spawn and are dangerous).

The server I set up is peaceful creative. We are not yet at the point of having a more involved survival world.

The benefit of this: all blocks are immediately available, and the players can do whatever they want. The downside: all other plays have access to all blocks (including TNT), and the players can do whatever they want - including to a build another child made.

Net-net for this: Set expectations that nothing is permanent in this world. There will likely be some amount of hard lessons learned, and I come from the school of: I'd rather they learn the lessons in a controlled, safe, environment.

At this point - you have my phone number and/or email address, so assuming your child is playing on Bedrock, simply let me know the gamertag of the player, and I'll add them to the list, and provide you with connection info.

Also note: it's possible that at some point, things expand beyond just a couple kids who all know each other playing on the same server. At that point, I have some thoughts on a more formal system of gatekeeping, and letting all parents know who-all has access.

4 Keys to Success (at anything)

When I was doing Ironman triathlons, I was a member of Endurance Nation, an online community of triathletes led by a couple of coaches. The bedrock of Endurance Nation's training for an Ironman is what they refer to as the Four Keys of Race Execution, where the premise is that driving your body through a self-propelled 140.6 miles is simply too big a problem to solve without a strategy and an approach to solving a really big problem - because as it turns out, swimming 2.4 miles, cycling 112 miles, and then running 26.2 miles, all within 17 hours, is a really big problem.

But before too long, I started realizing that the four keys are applicable to approaching big challenges in general, not just for Ironman triathlons.

The four keys are:

1. Execution (X) -
2. The box (B)
3. The line (/)
4. The one thing (1)

Execution

As a kid, I used to think that all I needed was a great idea, and I could become rich - and I'm sure I'm not alone in that regard. However, I eventually came to learn that an idea itself is cheap and just about worthless - the real value is the ability to execute. Being able to execute is so important that seemingly bad ideas (like inviting strangers to sleep in your spare bed) have become the basis for a company (AirBnB) now worth over 100 billion USD, simply because someone figured out how to execute on the idea in a way that was appealing.

Execution doesn't have to be being able to throw the long ball 80 yds for an amazing touch down. It's exciting when that happens, but it can simply be picking up the ball and moving it a few yards. As long as there is big picture directional vision, and the needle is being moved, those inches add up over time.

Execution - being able to think critically about the challenge or problem to be solved, and being able to move the needle in a productive way - is what gets results.

The Box

There are certain things we can control, and there are certain things we cannot control. When faced with a major challenge, it is critical to evaluate and know what we can control (and therefore what we should expend mental energy on), and what we cannot (and therefore what is not worth a second thought).

For example, if I am working with a customer, and they are evaluating my proposed solution and a competing solution - I can control how my solution is presented, I can control the messaging of how my solution addresses their needs/concerns, and I can control whether my relationship with the customer is full of positive interactions or not. However, I cannot control what the competing solution features are, and I can't control the messaging of the competition when I'm not around (however, if I know what the messaging may be, I can control my response to the customer around said messaging).

Control what is in your box and within your sphere of influence, and don't get overly concerned about what is outside of your control.

The Line

At some point, things are just going to get hard. Challenges wouldn't be big if they didn't have a point where things become a grind. The first thing is to recognize that it's going to happen. The second thing is to make decisions from the start to push that line back as far as possible. Usually this comes down to preparation - if I know a certain obstacle is going to pop up in the future, I can make decisions well ahead of time to either minimize the discomfort, or at least prepare for it in some way to maximize my chances of success.

Donald Rumsfeld caught a lot of flak back in the day for talking about known unknowns and unknown unknowns. While known knowns and known unknowns sounds goofy, he was actually spot-on. If we prepare for the known unknowns ('surprises' that, with some forethought, we can anticipate), we push the line back, and we reserve mental bandwidth and attention (a resource more precious than time) for dealing with unknown unknowns (true surprises) as they come up.

Things will get difficult. Know they will get difficult, and do what you can to push that line back as far as possible

The one thing

If we are taking on a big challenge, we are doing so because we are motivated by some sort of why. We want to set a good example, we are raising money for some cause, we are furthering our career, etc. However, humans can be very good as justifying secondary outcomes that are easier, especially when we are in the grind of a situation and just want out, or to be done, or move on to the next thing.

Therefore, it's important to understand the true reason for doing something, and being honest with yourself in exploring and understanding your motivations. Are you doing something because it is expected of you from someone else, or are you intrinsically motivated? One can accomplish things in the case of the former, but people can push themselves a lot further in the case of the latter. Many times there are multiple factors that play into a decision to take on a big challenge - it's important to keep those factors and motivators in mind, because when things get tough, a single reason may not be enough to continue pushing and pursuing to the final end goal.

What is the primary motivation for taking on the challenge that will help keep you on track when things get tough? And... it doesn't hurt to have multiple 'one things'.

Big challenges are hard. They require planning, they require dedication, they require discipline, they require patience - and that is all a lot of work. But, with the right framework and approach, big problems are manageable, and they are achievable.

Why To-Do Lists Often Fail

When we get stressed or overwhelmed with things to do, one of the first reactions is to create a to-do list. The thinking behind a to-do list sounds logical - lots of stuff to do, keeping it all in ones head is a task in and of itself, so write them down. Then, during periods of 'free' time, the list can be consulted, and productivity skyrockets!

A few items may get knocked off the list, but how often have you created a to-do list where items just sit, because something more pressing came up?

It's those more pressing items that are the problem. Sure, some of those are fires and legitimate things that need taking care of right away. But most of the time? Once something is on a to-do list, it becomes kind of a permission slip to get distracted by something else. "Oh, I can come back to it, because it's on my list, and I won't forget it!"

Which brings us to why to-do lists fail. That word: distraction.

Quick quiz: What is the opposite of distraction?

If you said focus, then I've got good news for you! You answered with the most common answer.

The bad news is that that answer is incorrect. The real opposite of distraction is traction, and there in lies the problem. What we commonly think is the antidote to distraction is completely incorrect. When we get distracted, it's not that we lack focus - we have focus, it's just not what we'd like to think we want to focus on.

So yes, we are going to get into a bit of etymology here, but it's actually really important, because if you want to solve the problem of distraction, you have to understand what it really is.

The root of the word traction comes from the Latin trahere, meaning 'to pull'. When we have traction, we are pulled in a direction. We say we want to be pulled in a direction of productivity, moving the needle, or making progress - but all too often, we are pulled in a different direction. Thus, distraction. So, it's not that we don't have focus; it's that we have an urge, or a sense of being pulled, in another direction. Focus actually has nothing to do with it.

Now we get into the reasons why you might be pulled in a different direction. Maybe it's the buzzers and beeps of a device sitting next to you. Maybe it's a browser tab with social media or a stock portfolio. Whatever it is, it's something you have half a mind on, and when your work-brain senses a lull in activity (such as completing an email, or finishing up working a problem), that half-a-mind on something else ends up being opportunistic for attention, and suddenly that quick break has resulted in 45 minutes disappearing from your day. And was that half-a-mind on getting back to your to-do list? (Oh, right. The to-do list. The whole reason that brought us here). Nope.

So, what can we do about it? Close browser windows, and turn off notifications on our devices? Maybe. But we've all tried that, and it doesn't completely solve the problem. The full answer lies in something you may not expect: recognizing that the problem is a pain (or at least, discomfort) management issue.

Here is an example: A lot of times, we may have a general sense of what needs to get done on a given workday, or we may say 'Today I'm going to work on this documentation'. Then you start off, and Pat asks you for something, pulling your attention away from the documentation. You figure 'OK, well, Pat needs this thing, so I'll help them. And it's not like the documentation absolutely has to be done today.' So you dump what you are working on, help Pat, and then before spooling back up, you 'take a break' - check email, check the socials, maybe take care of some other stuff. Then, before you know it, the end of the day comes along, and maybe you helped Pat (which felt good, in the moment), but you didn't finish the documentation, and its right there on your plate for the next day. You didn't get that sense of accomplishment of finishing what you set out to do. Best case, you get to it the following day - a day late, but not terrible. Worst case, that next day (or 2, or 7) was already scheduled for something else, and that documentation lingers for days, leaving you with a noticeable sense of incompletion. And that is the part that sucks. That is the part that, over time, is demoralizing and wears on your psyche.

Now it's easier to see why a to-do list, by itself, isn't the solution. In my experience, to-do lists end up being a parking lot more than anything else. And it's not that that isn't useful - sometimes we have enough stuff on our plate that we need a place to put lower priority things as a reminder. But all-too-often we delude ourselves into thinking that a to-do list is the answer, when in fact, it's just the first part of the solution. We have to have a plan to act on the to-do list. Many times, this means being proactive with a schedule and sticking to it. Telling Pat 'no' may not feel good in the moment, but Pat can't reasonably expect you to dump everything to help them, and meanwhile you've (potentially) sacrificed your own sense of accomplishment.

Take the items on the to-do list, and don't just 'get to them when you get a moment' - consciously block time off in your schedule to do them. You'll get the satisfaction of accomplishing what you set out to do, and have a shorter to-do list as a result. And that is the path of least discomfort.

This post was inspired by an interview I heard with Nir Eyal, author of the book 'Indistractable'

Breaking Out of the Victim Mindset

I'm going to start off by admitting that this post may seem a bit out there. I'll also say that what I'm about to write about is one of those things that is at once simplistic sounding, but if you bear with me and mull it over a bit, I think you'll find (as I did) that the concepts are quite profound in their application.

The concept apparently originated from Michael Beckwith, but I heard it through Jim Dethmer as the four states of consciousness, or the four states of being.

They are:

• TO me
• BY me
• THROUGH me
• AS me

TO me:

This represents the victimhood state of mind. Things happen TO me. Most everyone knows someone who has a lot of things that seemingly happen TO them. It's never their fault, and they are just a victim of the situation.

BY me:

This represents someone who has identified they have some degree of exerting control of what happens to them. The BY me state represents acknowledgement of agency over ones actions.

THROUGH me:

The THROUGH me state is essentially when someone does something that feels right at that time. If you've ever felt yourself in a flow state, that is one example of the THROUGH me state.

AS me:

This one can be a bit out there. The short version is that AS me is the oneness that a lot of spiritual practices talk about. Ego is removed, and you are part of something much bigger.

So now that we have a summary of the states, let's get a bit more practical.

First off, since these are states of being, or of consciousness, it's important to realize that we move in and out of these at all times. For example, there are sometimes one is legitimately a victim. When I got robbed at a T stop at night when I was college, I was a legitimate victim. That happened TO me. But after that, I did the predictable thing that most people would do - I switched to a BY me state, and from then on, I didn't take that particular path home, at night, in the dark. I was able to exert agency over my situation to prevent that situation from happening again.

That is an easy example, but lets take another one. Lets say you work on a team of 5 or 6 people, you've been at your company for 5 years, and your team leader moves on. The position of team leader is now up for grabs, and you are interested in that position. You put your hat in the ring, but it turns out that Bob, your teammate who has only been with the company for 1 year, gets the job.

It'd be real easy to slip into a TO me mindset - you feel that you deserved that promotion. After all, you had longer tenure, and who the hell is Bob to have gotten it instead of you?

Well, chances are, Bob did something to get noticed or to get recognized. In short, Bob, knowingly or not, was acting from a BY me mindset. Maybe he was regularly checking in with management to make sure his goals were aligned with business goals while you were doing what only you thought was moving the needle, but actually wasn't. Maybe he was attending company social events and getting to know the decision makers of the company, staying forefront in their mind. It's hard to know exactly what Bob did, but I guarantee you he was actively doing something to increase his chances.

The TO me and BY me states are, on the surface, pretty easy to grasp, as I think most people can quickly think of examples throughout the day where something happened TO them, and where they took some sort of proactive (BY me) action to prevent an undesirable outcome learned through hard knocks.

Things get a bit more tricky with the THROUGH me - but here is a situation I bet most people can identify with: ruminating on something for a while, tossing a problem around in your head, and then suddenly the solution (or path forward) becomes clear. I find this happens with writing quite often - I have something I want to write about, but not sure how to portray it in written form. Sometimes I try to force it, but upon reading it, it does indeed sound forced. Other times something just clicks, and the words flow.

One thing I've found is that these moments happen more frequently during motion (either while going for a walk, or run), or when either going to, or coming out of, sleep.

The AS me state is, at least from what I've been able to discern so far, almost more of a philosophical state. It's when you get to a point of letting go, and just being. Most people probably think of someone sitting down cross legged and meditating as an example of this state - and that may be true - but I'd also argue that there are plenty of times in normal life that people end up in an AS me state.

For example, if you are part of a large team and you have a particular area of focus that is deemed your area of contribution, that starts to be a bit of the AS me state. Your ego is not compelling you to solve problems outside of your sphere, you accept you are part of a larger team, you do solid work and take pride in what you can contribute, and you let others do their jobs so that everyone can succeed.

In a lot of ways, I'd say the Patriots way of playing when they had Tom Brady was very much a team of players in an 'AS me' state. The 1980 US Olympic hockey team in the movie Miracle, with Herb Brooks shouting from the sidelines "DO YOUR JOB!" is another example. Those players were in an AS me state.

Much like various types of bias, these states of consciousness aren't completely avoidable, and all of them are completely natural. However, I find it interesting how we tend to move from one state to another throughout the day. And like bias, simply being aware of them allows one to ask themselves the sometimes hard, but necessary question: am I really a victim, or do I actually possess some ability to control the outcome? Because I would argue that many times, the latter is true, but you have to ask yourself the question in order to move on, and avoid getting stuck in the victimhood mindset.