There’s a right way to ask for advice, and there are wrong ways. Asking the right way gets you an answer that is not just useful, but also gives you a champion in your corner; asking the wrong way can result in a brush off response that alienates the advice-giver.
If I am looking for advice, and I’ve done some of my own research and invested effort in educating myself on the topic, I can ask pointed, direct questions. As a result, I have a better chance of getting advice I can act on.
For example, let’s say I want to learn a new skill like cooking. If I approach someone who does a lot of cooking, I could ask them ‘I want to get better at cooking – do you have any suggestions on what I should do?’ The response is likely to be vague and generic, like “Find recipes on the internet and just start cooking more.”
The problem is that I haven’t provided the other person with anything to work with, so they aren’t going to get into specifics about what herbs and spices go with chicken vs steak, or how to sauté aromatics properly. I’ve demonstrated no real investment myself, so the other person has no reason to invest their time and resources in me, either.
On the other hand, if I approach that person and ask ‘I want to get better at cooking, and I’ve watched some episodes of America’s Test Kitchen – are their recipes suitable for a beginner?’ then a conversation can happen! They can ask questions to learn about my comfort level in the kitchen, or they can ask what looked interesting to me. They are in a better position to offer me something useful, and I’m in a better position to do something with it.
Further still, now that we’ve engaged in a mutual interest conversation, they are more likely, at some point, to ask how things are going. They have become invested as well, and they will want to see if that investment is paying off. After all, everyone loves to get recognition for giving advice!
Sometimes, people will claim to be asking for advice, but in reality they are looking to validate a decision they have already made. Using the previous example, if I asked "I saw this recipe on America’s Test Kitchen, it looks good, and I was thinking of trying it – do you think that’s a good idea?" I’ve already made up my mind, and it would take a lot to dissuade me from trying it. If the person being asked replied with ‘no’, and I go ahead anyway, then I’ve directly countered their advice, and there’s little incentive for them to be helpful in the future.
The thing about asking advice – it’s a really good way to engender support from someone who knows more about a topic than you do, so it’s worth the effort to make sure you are capitalizing on that opportunity. If you ask someone for advice in a way that shows you’ve already put effort in, and you are open to actually following the advice given – you gain a valuable ally in your corner that you can go to for additional advice in the future.
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